


Mad Mod Tries To Take Over St Patrick's Day!

by Baz



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans Go!, Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baz/pseuds/Baz
Summary: The Teen Titans are invited to the St Patrick's Day parade in Ireland. They're all having a great time there, until Mad Mod invades the parade, and threatens to take over the whole country!It is up to our heroes to stop them.
Kudos: 1





	Mad Mod Tries To Take Over St Patrick's Day!

MAD MOD TRIES TO TAKE OVER ST PATRICK’S DAY!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Since there were no parades this year, here's a fictional one. Happy St Paddy's Day!

It was March 17th, and the Titans were invited to the St Patrick’s Day parade in the city of Derry. Raven was friends with the Mayor’s daughter Roisin, who met her on Twitter. 

“I have never been to Ireland before, it’s gonna be awesome,” said Robin as he was getting ready.

Cyborg painted his armour green, Starfire was wearing a green outfit, similar to her purple one and Raven was wearing a green cloak.

“You look like the banshee from ‘Darby O’Gill and the Little People,” Cyborg told her.

“That scene scared the shit out of me,” laughed Robin.

Beast Boy had a backpack full of boxes of condoms,

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” asked Cyborg.

“On this day, I’m gonna bang an Irish girl,” announced Beast Boy. “Maybe several.”

“You’re only wasting your time,” replied Raven with a smirk. “Irish girls aren’t into Beastality.”

She and Cyborg laughed. 

“But I’m green,” said Beast Boy. “The Irish people’s favourite colour!”

“Except the protestants,” said Cyborg.

Raven had a book of Irish slang that Roisin had sent to her. It had everything from “What’s the craic?”, “Ya big eejit”, “Feck off”, “Arse bandits”, “Wanker”, “Norn Iron” and more.

“And please don’t say ‘Top o’ the morn to ye’ in a bad Irish accent, Beast Boy,” Raven told him.

“Why do you pick on me the whole time?” asked an annoyed Beast Boy.

“Cause you always screw up,” said Cyborg.

“Thanks,” replied a depressed Beast Boy.

The Titans got into the T-ship and flew to Derry City. 

They arrived in the middle of the city to a massive crowd of screaming fans. All with posters of our heroes everywhere.

The Titans got out of their ship and greeted the fans. They took Selfies with them and signed autographs.

“ROBIN, I WANNA SHAG YOU!” cried a girl.

“ME TOO!” cried her dad.

Raven met Roisin and they both hugged.

“What’s the craic?” asked Raven.

“You’re learning the lingo, mate!” cried Roisin with delight.

Raven brought her over to her friends. The demoness introduced them all one by one.

“This is Robin, Princess Starfire, Cyborg and….. Garfield.”

Beast Boy always got annoyed when someone called him by his real name.

“Call me ‘Gary’,” Beast Boy told Roisin.

“Hello, Gazza,” Roisin greeted him. 

She looked at the other Titans.

“Guys, before the parade begins, I wanna take you all around Derry.”

She took the Titans to the Derry Peace Bridge, the Millennium Forum, the wall that had the painting of the Derry Girls, City Hall, the cannons on the wall and the painting of “You’re are entering a Free Derry.”

There were stalls everywhere and Roisin introduced the Titans to sausage rolls. Beast Boy had a vegan one. 

“I thought we were gonna eat Irish stew, or potatoes” he said with his mouth full.

Raven smacked him on the back of the head.

“Garfield, don’t be an ugly American!” she snapped. “I’m sorry, Roisin.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “It could’ve been worse, he could’ve been them lot over them.”

She pointed at a group of people. The Titans gazed in horror.

“Oh God, no!” cried Robin.

It was fat American tourists, all dressed in jackets and shorts.

“HEY, SEAMUS!” one of them barked at a local. “SAY ‘TOP O’ DA MORN TO YA!”

The man just walked past.

“HEY, I DIDN’T KNOW THEY HAD PHONES IN IRE-LAND!” barked his wife, so loud that the whole street could hear them.

The Titans were embarrassed. 

“If anyone asks, just say that we’re Canadian,” said Raven.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


And of course, no St Paddy’s Day would be complete without a Guinness. Roisin took the Titans to a pub and they all ordered a pint of the black gold.

“None for Garfield, he is too young,” Raven teased Beast Boy.

But they all had a drink and liked it. Starfire managed to drink the whole thing in one gulp.

There were women admiring her.

“Shit, I’d love to have a figure like hers,” one of them said. “It’ll at least attempt to give our Finbar the horn.”

For those of you who don’t speak the lingo, “getting the horn” means to get a stiffy.

There were younger girls admiring Robin.

“Christ, I wouldn’t mind having him with a plate of chips,” one of them swooned.

“I would have him for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” swooned her friend.

Starfire overheard them and got a little worried.

“Robin, I think those girls are into cannibalism.”

  
  
  
  
  


After the drinks, Roisin took the Titans to ASDA, a popular supermarket in the UK and Ireland.

“Guys, it’s like Walmart, but it’s not,” said Beast Boy. “Hey, why are all the bags of potato chips so small here?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later, the parade was about to begin, and the Titans were leading it in their T-ship.

The people were dressed in green shirts and leprechaun hats. Fans screamed as the parade began with the T-ship leading the way.

Our heroes waved to the public. Beast Boy blew kisses at the girls.

“Kiss me, you’re Irish,” he cried. 

But he was annoyed that most of the female fans had posters of Robin instead of him.

There were floats of St Patrick himself and floats to represent countries from all over the world. 

But then, there appeared to be a float of a stereotypical British man’s head with glasses, ginger hair and bad teeth.

“Oh shit,” said Cyborg.

The float looked like Mad Mod!

“Greetings, you pasty potato peeling, alcoholic Paddies!” announced a voice in the float.

The crowd stopped cheering and were insulted.

The Mad Mod float stopped and Mod himself stood at the top of it.

“Who’s this dickhead?” asked Roisin.

“Remember that asshole who tried to steal Independence Day from us?” Raven told her.

“I hate the Irish from the bottom of my soul,” announced Mod.

The crowd began to boo him like crazy and chucked cans at him.

“From the bottom of your asshole!” cried an angry protestor.

“Oh look, an angry drunken Paddy is going to kill me,” Mod said sarcastically.

Then he pressed a button on his cane. 

The Mod float split open to reveal a massive TV screen that had a black and white swirl on it. It began to move and suddenly, the whole crowd became hypnotized.

“This city will be named _London_ derry again!” laughed Mod.

“Don’t look at the screen," Raven told Roisin. 

She and the other Titans avoided looking at the screen, all except for….

“Shit, not again,” said Cyborg.

Beast Boy was hypnotised. 

“Now, get me the Mayor’s daughter!” Mod announced to the crowd. 

The hypnotised crowd walked over to the T-ship. 

“I’ll get us out of here,” said Robin. 

He was about to fly the ship away, but the hypnotised Beast Boy grabbed onto Roisin.

“Gaz, what are you doing?” she yelped. 

Beast Boy chucked her into the crowd, and they began to take her away.

“HELP!” she cried. 

Mod lead his new followers out of the parade and down the street.

“The Irish will be slaves and the English will reign supreme!” laughed Mod as his float disappeared.

The Titans tried to get Beast Boy to snap out of it.

“We gotta make him laugh,” said Robin. 

“I know,” said Cyborg as he pulled out his phone.

He went onto YouTube and put on the Nicki Minaj Anaconda Fart Remix.

The video began to play and suddenly, Beast Boy burst out laughing. But then he realised something.

“Oh no, what happened?”

Robin told him what happened, and Beast Boy looked like he was about to cry.

“Man, I’m so stupid! I looked at that swirling thing and I gave Roisin to Mod!”

A tear rolled from his eye and hit the ground. Raven put his arm around him.

“Hey, life is all about making mistakes and learning from them,” she told him. “You’re only 20, but you still have a lot to learn.”

Beast Boy wiped his tears away. 

“Thank you, Rave.”

“I’ll fly above the city and see where they’ve gone,” said Starfire as she flew into the sky.

  
  
  
  
  


But she flew all over the city and there was no sign of Mod, his hypnotised followers, or his float. She flew back to join her friends.

“Friends, I have no idea where they are,” she sighed.

“Mate, I can tell ye,” said a female voice.

It was a girl who managed to avoid seeing Mod’s screen. She had a very thick accent.

“Sure, I like avoiding seein’ dat swirlin’ thingie and I saw that ginger fella takin’ yer lads away to Forum.”

The Titans just stared at her with confusion.

“I don’t mean to be a typical asshole American,” said Raven. “But could you repeat everything you said slowly.”

The girl tried again.

“Yer man, the ginger boy, took yer lads down to the Forum.”

Nothing.

The Titans were done for.

“Wait,” said Starfire.

She walked over to the girl and kissed her. 

The girl didn’t seem that bothered. In fact, she quite enjoyed it.

Starfire was able to talk in a Derry accent.

“She said yer ginger boy took yer lads down to the Forum.”

The Titans had no idea what she said. But Starfire changed back to her own accent.

“She means the Millenium Forum.”

“Ohh,” said the Titans.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The Millenium Forum was a small theatre. The hypnotised crowd were in the audience and Mod was on stage with the Mayor and his tied up daughter. 

There were two Cockney thugs holding onto the Mayor, who was terrified.

“Okay, you Paddy bastard listen up,” Mod told him. “You sign this contract to make me Mayor, and I will let go of your daughter.”

“If you’re Mayor, you will not de-hypnotise my city,” the Mayor told him.

“So?” sneered Mod.

The Mayor looked at his frightened daughter. If he signed the contract, his daughter would be free. But that would mean that the city, and the whole of Ireland would be up Shit’s creek. 

“Dad, don’t worry about me,” said Roisin.

She appeared to be wearing a small sexy dress with the Union Jack on it, plus tights. Who knows what sick game Mod had in store for her.

“Yes daddy,” Mod sneered at the Mayor. “Looks like I’m going to have fun with your daughter then!”

“NO!” cried the Mayor.

Mod smiled evilly. 

“Good man.”

Mod’s goons untied the Mayor’s daughter and let them go. Mod addressed the hypnotised audience.

“Right slaves, listen up. You’re going to pay for what your country did to St Patrick. He was an Englishman who was captured by the Irish and forced to work for them. Then he escaped and then…..he decided to return to the place that made his life Hell? And people worship the country that made a man’s life Hell?”

“That man is SUCH a prick!” cried Roisin who was so angry at what Mod was saying. “How could one man talk such bollocks?”

“Well, hopefully the Titans will help us,” said the Mayor as he and his daughter walked back stage.

Mod’s guards had surrounded the building. The doors of the foyer opened and the Titans burst in. The guards were ready for battle.

“TITANS GO!” ordered Robin.

One guard tried to shoot his machine gun at Cyborg, but the bullets bounced off his armour. He tried to shoot him again, but no such luck.

“Yes, shoot me again,” Cyborg said sarcastically. “Cos it worked well the first time.”

The stupid guard shot Cyborg again. The robot sighed and pointed his fist at the guard. Cy’s fist detached and it flew toward the guard and knocked him out. 

Then the Titans ran down the stairs to the longue. More guards were waiting for them. 

Beast Boy turned into an anaconda and began to slither toward the guards.

“Argh! I hate snakes!” cried some of the guards as they pathetically ran away.

“You big bunch of girls!” groaned another guard as he watched them run off. 

Suddenly, he yelped as Beast Boy turned himself into a wasp and flew toward him. The guard cowardly ran away crying.

“No! I hate wasps!”

Another guard was behind the bar. He had a tissue inside a bottle of whiskey. He lit it on fire and chucked it at Raven. Using her psychic power, Raven held the bottle in mid-air. Then she walked over to it, grabbed it, pulled the flaming tissue out of it and drank the whiskey.

“Mmm.”

Then Raven looked at the guard and her eyes glowed red. Using her psychic power, she made the guard fly into the ceiling and slammed him into it. Then she dropped him onto the floor. 

“Ow! You broke my arm!”

Starfire was flying in the air as the guards tried to shoot at her.

“Hold still!” cried a guard with frustration.

The more they shot at her, the more ammo they ran out of. They reloaded and began firing at Starfire again. But they kept missing. Until one bullet hit Starfire in the stomach. She looked like she was in pain.

“Yes!” cried a guard with joy.

But Starfire looked at him with a smirk, and held up the crunched bullet. She then dropped it and looked at the guards.

“Ahh, bugger this!” said the two guards as they just left the building with defeat. 

The Mayor and Roisin came running out and met the Titans again.

“Roisin, I’m glad you’re safe!” said Raven as she hugged her.

“Thanks for coming, Titans!” said the Mayor. “Before I was captured, I was in my office and pressed the red button under my desk. The British government are on their way.”

“Good, I’ll keep Mod busy,” said Robin as he got out his staff and went backstage.

Beast Boy wanted to apologise to Roisin.

"Ros, I'm really sorry I got you captured."

"That's okay, Gazza," Roisin forgave him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Back in the auditorium, Mod was on stage giving his speech to the people, whilst he stood in front of a screen that had the black and white swirl on it, still hypnotising the audience. 

“Yes, you may have helped create the world, but without the English, the world would have been speaking in your Paddy gibberish!”

“You have brought shame to your country, Mr Mod,” said Robin. 

He had appeared on stage wearing a blindfold, so he couldn’t see the screen.

Mod burst out laughing. 

“You’re going to fight me blindfolded? I thought the Irish were stupid, but YOU are something else.”

“Well, I am from Irish descent,” said Robin, with his confidence up.

“That’s what every Yank says,” said Mod as he pulled the top of his cane, to reveal a long sword. “This should be easy.”

“You’re forgetting that I was taught by the Batman,” said Robin.

“You crafty bitch,” said Mod.

And with that, he and Robin began to fight. They clashed with their weapons together. For a blindfolded man, Robin was putting up a good fight. Mod was getting annoyed.

“I will not be beaten by a young Yank! We may have lost the War of Independence, but I will not be beaten by a little YANKEE SHIT!”

THWACK!

Robin kicked Mod in the balls really hard.

“OWWWWWWWWWW, YOU LITTLE CU…….”

Suddenly the screen on the stage began to change. The swirl had gone.

“What?” cried Mod in shock. 

The screen then showed images of Irish history, and famous people such as Seamus Heaney, Bono, Bob Geldof, Richard Harris, Sinead O'Connor, Seamus Heaney, Thin Lizzy, Father Ted and Mrs Brown. Images of the Irish imagrating to America were shown. 

The audience who were once hypnotised, were breaking free and were looking around in amazement. 

Cyborg was in the control room and had a wire connected from his head to the console.

Mod got on his knees and cried with defeat as his plan was backfiring.

The audience began to rebel and started to boo Mod.

But Mod got up and smirked. He then pulled out the contract.

“Wait, people of Derry. I have the contract signed by your Mayor. I am your Mayor now!”

“Did he really sign it?” asked Robin as he took off the blindfold. 

He smirked at Mod. 

Mod then looked at the contract and was shocked. Instead of signing his name, the Mayor simply wrote “Get fucked!” where the signature was supposed to be. 

Mod looked at the audience who were getting out of their seats and began to chase after him.

Mod ran like hell as the people of Derry chased after him out of the building. When Mod ran out of the exit, there were British agents all waiting for him, pointing their pistols at him. 

“FREEZE, MOD!”

Mod stood dead in his tracks. He was effed.

The agents handcuffed him, and one of them spoke to the Mayor.

“Very sorry about all of this, Mr Mayor. As an Englishman, I am truly ashamed.”

“Don’t be,” said the Mayor. “Just avoid being like Mod at all costs.”

“Well, we deported Mod to the States years ago, but I just spoke with Robin and he’s going to take him to a place that every English terrorist fears: Australia.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With the T-Ship, Robin delivered a tied up Mad Mod to the St Paddy’s Day parade in Sydney. The ship landed and Robin let Mod out. 

“A gift from the Irish,” Robin told the Aussies as he got back into the T-Ship and flew off.

Mod looked at the Aussies in fear and they all looked at Mod sinisterly.

Then they all beat the shit out of him.

“This is the best St Paddy’s ever!” said a kid.

“You said it son,” said his dad.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Back in Derry, the parade was back on, and the Titans were heroes once again. Roisin was out of that dress and was back in her usual clothes again. 

“Thanks for saving us, guys,” she told the Titans.

“Thanks for inviting us here,” said Raven. “It was great craic.”

“You’re really getting the lingo,” said Roisin with joy. “None of that SNL 'Fiddly Dee Potato’ crap.”

“Just avoid American comedies,” said Cyborg. 

“Speaking of the lingo, did you hear about how Starfire communicated with a local?” Robin asked Roisin. 

“Oh yes, that was Kira McKinney,” said Roisin. “Nice girl, but different though. Still, I’m proud of her for coming as bi last year. Ah, here she is.”

“Alright youse pair what’s the form?” asked Kira. 

The Titans couldn’t understand a word she said, but they were nice to her. Kira then looked at Beast Boy.

“Ere Mate Even Though I got a Kiss from the fit alien you wanna shag later?”

“What did she say?” Beast Boy asked Starfire.

“She wants to know if she’ll have sex with you,” replied Star.

“Oh okay,” Beast Boy told Kira. 

He then looked at his friends. 

“See, told you I’d get laid by an Irish lass!”

After the parade, there was plenty of drinking, dancing, banter and more drinking and dancing.

It was great craic all right. 

Pity about the hangover the next morning.

The Titans all woke up in their Hotel Room the next morning with pounding headaches.

“You gotta love the Irish, they sure know how to party,” said Robin. 

Roisin was also with them.

“You guys better come back here for Halloween,” she said. “Derry throws the best Halloween parties.”

“If we survive,” said Beast Boy who was in bed with Kira. 

“And we could shag again,” Kira told him.

“Luck of the Irish alright!” swooned Beast Boy.

Later, the hungover Titans said goodbye to Roisin, the Mayor and Kira and got into the T-Ship. 

Beast Boy was walking funny though.

“Once you go Irish, you never go back,” he said. “Ow, my ass hurts.”

  
  


THE END

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
